Where I’m at now (with God and with my life)

I’ll talk about how God’s been moving in my life recently, and how I really believe I’m at the (what I hope to be) beginning of a major turning point in my faith.

So for the few days before this past Sunday, I was in a very bad place, emotionally. I was despondent, filled with despair and sadness, feeling completely lonely and isolated (even from my brothers and sisters in the faith), and feeling like nothing could help me – not even God. But then I ended up going to church on Sunday (and I think this was God’s doing, because I really wanted to stay home and work on schoolwork but I ended up going just due to this ever-present drive and need to go), and it’s there that I reconnected with the Lord. The sermon spoke to me, I was able to get back in touch with Jesus through my worship of Him, and for the days following that Sunday to now, I’ve felt full, complete, satisfied, joyful. Now I’m getting involved in a Community Group at my church.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. Community Group is Wednesday nights. If I get involved in Community Group and commit to it (and I see no reason as to why I wouldn’t), then this is what my schedule looks like at least until December: Tuesday mornings, The Armoury put on by my church (more info here. It’s essentially something of a Bible study and discussion/fellowship time – feel free to drop by if you’re up for earnest Bible study and discussion in the morning with folks that love Jesus), then campus Bible study Tuesday evenings. Wednesday night, Community Group. Thursday evening, campus Christian gathering (University Christian Ministries @ UBC – come on by if you’re a student on campus! Wood 5 in the Woodward Building @7PM Thursdays), and Fridays I may or may not go to a 30min Bible study put on by the (I think?) Graduate Christian Fellowship. Then Sunday is church. So you see that, right now, my schedule is looking like it’s packed with gospel fellowship and being involved in the Church (I don’t mean just my church, I mean the Church universal – my brothers and sisters in the faith). I’m happy with this, because this is the conclusion I’ve come to based on where I’m at right now: for me to stay sane, to stay whole, I need to stay close to God. Man doesn’t live on bread alone, and that’s what God’s teaching me. God has been telling me for so long “Listen, you need me. You cannot go through life and be fine without me. I’m right here, all you need to do is reach out to Me.”

And that’s what I plan to do. Another thing God’s been driving me to think about is how if I just join a bunch of Christian groups and go “This oughta do the trick!” but don’t actually put any work into my relationship with Him, nothing will happen. I will not grow, God will not respond, and I will be spiritually stagnant and starving. I’m going to try to be involved with these various fellowship opportunities, while at the same time spending serious time with God in the Word and in prayer on a lifetime basis (as in, from now until the day I die – whether that be tomorrow, sixty years from now, or anywhere in between), and just seeking to live out the gospel in my life and improve myself and live out what I hear preached on Sunday.

Understand, though – I may falter in this. In fact, that’s probable. I may fail in this. I’m only human. But I’m going to try. This is my statement of intent, in the meaning that I’m stating my intent to carry these things out. But I believe that if I stay close to God, if I keep fighting for holiness and sanctification, I’ll make progress by the great and holy grace of God. I need to remember: my salvation has already been purchased and it can’t be taken away, so I’m free to seek after God not to add to my salvation or seal it more (which is impossible), but to enjoy the full fruits of it.

This is my life, and I seek to use it to glorify God in every way despite my massive amount of imperfections and faults. Praise be.


One thought on “Where I’m at now (with God and with my life)

  1. I’ve read a couple of your posts! Very raw and authentic! I like it! You gave me an idea for my own blogging site which is to journal my devotionals. Anyway keep it up! Oddly enough I just had a period like the one you described in this post in my own life and I’m writing about it now.


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